In life, we are often faced with situations where things don’t quite go to plan. We might not get the job we wanted, the grade we expected, the grant we applied for, or that long-dreamed of opportunity. What we make of these experiences shapes how we respond in the future to similar events.
When we don’t achieve the goals we desire, it is natural to feel disappointment. The challenge is not to allow that disappointment to turn into anger or sadness or, worse, send you into a negative spiral that saps your confidence, destroys your motivation, and even has you questioning whether you should bother at all.
Even the most successful of performing artists are not immune from disappointment: they have just learnt how to more effectively manage their response. This is called resilience.
Resilience is a term used to describe our ability to cope with stress and adversity. It refers to how well we are able to “bounce back” from difficult experiences. Resilient individuals form a protective “psychological armour” that defends them against negative events and in turn enhances their wellbeing.
It is important to note that resilient people still experience feelings of sadness, anger and disappointment – it is what they choose to do about these emotions that makes the difference.
How do we become resilient? The first step is understanding that it is you – your brain, your attitude, your thinking – that determines how you feel about the experience. Being conscious of how you frame the event is crucial to how you choose to view it and act because of it. If you tell yourself that the result is “terrible”, “the worst thing that has ever happen to me”, “wrong and unfair” – well – you already get a sense of the type of emotions that go hand in hand with this thinking.
If you believe you have “failed”, you will be less likely to reflect on the knowledge you could take from the experience, and less inclined to try the experience again. Even if you do try it again, you might bring to it a whole lot of self-doubt and limiting thoughts – hardly a good way to start! Ultimately you would lose a significant development opportunity, which might be the very thing you need for a successful outcome the next time.
The second step is understanding what is, and is not, within your control. Dance is a subjective art form. What appeals to one artistic director doesn’t to another. If one artistic director doesn’t choose you, it doesn’t mean you are a “bad dancer” or will “never get a place”. You do not have control over what artistic requirements a company or a school wants, nor the level of talent auditioning with you – you only have control over you. So focus on what you are thinking (i.e. helpful thoughts), what you need to do to achieve the goals you have set for yourself (i.e. what you hope to gain out of the experience), and remind yourself about all the times you have experienced great success (i.e. identify your strengths).
Thirdly, recognise what the experience for what it is: a learning opportunity! Put some time into reflecting on what you did well, what you could improve on, and what you would choose to do differently next time. Ensure that you take yourself through this mini-debrief after every experience that you have, including the times when things go well! There is always room for improvement, and always an opportunity to learn.
Dealing with rejection and disappointment can be exceptionally challenging, but the great news is that it can be overcome and you will be all the better for the experience.
Associate Professor Gene Moyle, an ex-dancer turned performance psychologist, is the Head of Dance at QUT Creative Industries. She additionally works with elite athletes and performing artists in private practice. g.moyle@qut.edu.au
This article was first published in Dance Australia Magazine April/May 2013.